JOYCE vs. LAURA DIMAGGIO

 -  -  611


“Joyce vs. Laura” is becoming Lyndhurst’s favorite running soap series since Dynasty in the 80s.

The public catfights never end and they have never been soooo good at drawing attention.

Here’s the latest:

Commissioner Tommy DiMaggio and his wife, Joyce, held a “Parks Department Employees Appreciation Event” at Casa Giuseppe Resturant/Bar 503 on Valley Brook Avenue last week.

Dining separately, but at the same restaurant/bar, at the same time (the food is that good), were Mayor Bobby and his girlfriend, Laura.

So, of course, Joyce and Laura followed up on their infamous park fight of just over a year ago. And Mayor Bobby and Commissioner Tommy reprised their roles as well. Read about the Joyce vs. Laura Town Hall Park battle here.

Reports from witnesses of the latest Joyce vs. Laura catfight go like this:

  • Joyce approached Laura and started in on her, needling and picking.
  • Laura got upset and went back at Joyce.
  • Mayor Bobby told Commissioner Tommy to “get his wife under control”.
  • Commissioner Tommy did little.
  • Some witnesses left in disgust.
  • Eventually, a third party broke up Joyce and Laura before they got physical.

Catfights are becoming a pattern between the dynastic Giangeruso and DiMaggio families ruling Lyndhurst.

So, rather than resist the inevitable Joyce vs. Laura embarrassments to come, we suggest Lyndhurst formally embrace these divas and use them to draw attention to Lyndhurst’s better attractions and establishments, al la Dynasty, by staging these catfights as “events” at showcased locations.

This month’s featured spot was the fantastic Casa Giuseppe Resturant and Bar 503 at 503 Valley Brook Avenue in Lyndhurst. Link to Casa Giuseppe’s menu here.

Now, imagine the Summer drama of Joyce vs. Laura in Town Hall Park being properly staged this time in a $300,000 Fountain fight (subtly suggesting classy and Lyndhurst are one).

Or a Fall drama featuring Joyce and Laura having it out during a woodsy walk on the hill behind Hillside Cemetary, overlooking New York City’s nearby skyline (alluding to Lyndhurst’s convenient commute to The Big Apple).

You get the idea.

Dynasty was one of the biggest TV shows of the 1980s based on catfights. We figure Lyndhurst can capitalize on dynastic catfights too by showing Joyce and Laura going at it throughout town on YouTube.

Hopefully, this will attract people from far and wide, providing the “ladies” with continued audiences for their battles and, more crucially, revitalizing interest in Lyndhurst, freeing us from the crippling “stagnation” under the current Administration.

Let’s make lemonade (marketing Lyndhurst) out of lemons (the trashy family dynasties currently running and ruining Lyndhurst).

Let’s make Lyndhurst Great Again!

Meanwhile, check out Ladies’ Night at Casa Giuseppe’s Bar 503!

 

 

 

 

If you see this woman there, take out your phone and start recording the show.

 

 

 

6 recommended
11 notes
bookmark icon

8 thoughts on “JOYCE vs. LAURA DIMAGGIO

    Write a comment...

    Your email address will not be published.